SINGLES AND MARRIED

Divorce is always stressful for children. It can also strain parent-child relationship which leads to economic hardship and increased conflict.

Divorce increases the risk that children will suffer from psychological and behavioral problems. Troubled children are particularly likely to develop problems with anger, disobedience and rule violations. School achievement also can suffer. Other children become sad for prolonged period of time. They may become depressed, anxious or become perhaps overly responsible kids who end up caring for their parents instead of getting cared for by them.

The following are the effects of divorce on children:
Fearful of being abandoned
From a child’s perspective, the unimaginable has happened-a parent is no longer at home. Children may be deeply afraid that the other parent is going to ‘’disappear’’ too and leave them alone in the world.

Rejected
Children of divorce may feel and unloved by the parent who has left. This makes little sense until we remember that children perceive themselves as the centre of the universe. Therefore everything happens must have something to do with them.
At Fault
For the same reason, children may believe the divorce is their fault, caused by something they said or did, or just the way they are, and feel a deep sense of guilt and shame. Even difficult teens may be afraid that their behavior has contributed to the divorce and made it easier for a parent to leave.
Depressed
Depression is not a direct emotional effect of divorce but a ‘’second stage’’ emotion following on from one or several emotions linked to divorce. For instances, sadness, loneliness, feeling rejected. Depression is a sign that children have not received the support they need to cope with these emotions.
Lonely
Children of divorce may feel lonely. They may miss the intimacy, comfort and particular parenting skills of the absent parent The parent at home may be so wrapped up in their own problems that they are not available to their children. Circumstances may have cut them off from their usual playmates. Children may seek intimacy and comfort elsewhere, or become withdrawn.
Stressed
During divorce, children may feel stressed and under pressure to do more than they can realistically cope with at a time that is already stressful enough. For instance, they may volunteer to take on extra duties at home or be burdened with extra responsibilities like it or not. They may also be used as a confidante and advisor by one or both parents, a role that even teens are not qualified for or comfortable with. Eager to help out and seem ‘’grown up’’, they may hide how stressed they really are.

Torn in two
The most damaging effect of divorce on children is the emotional trauma caused by parents who fight or belittle each other in front of their children. Children feel expected to take sides but cannot do this without being disloyal to the other parent. However, by not taking sides they fear disapproval and rejection by both. They are trapped in a no-win situation where it is ‘’wrong’’ to love both parents.

Family is a programme directed at adequate spacing of pregnancies so that the mother could recover enough from the stress of carrying and caring for the baby before another one, so that her good health would be preserved.It also gives the opportunity to couples to determine the number of children they want and when the children should come into the family.

Methods Of Family Planning

1) COITUS INTERRUPTUS
The man withdraws the pennis out of the vagina before ejaculations.
It has a high failure rate, since it is not practicable to be skillful all the time, not to discharge a little inside the vagina.
It is emotionally traumatic since the man has to withdraw almost at the peak of sexual pleasure.

2) PROLONGATION OF LACTATION
Hormone prolactin responsible for lactation usually inhibits the ovary from releasing egg.Some women would not mensturate as along as they are breast feeding and it is an ineffective method of family planning.

3) RHYTHM METHOD
It is a method that avoids sexual intercourse during ovulation period using the mensural cycle to calculate the safe and unsafe period.
It often fails because of the emotional changes that do affect a womans cycle.
It requires sexual discipline and meticulous monitoring of the womans menstral cycle.

4) USE OF CONDOMS
A condom is a bag of latex materials to be worn by male partner before intercourse.
It serves as collection bag for the ejaculated semen thus preventing sperm from getting into the vagina,the uterus and tubes to effect fertilization.
It should be used with water based lubricant and not oil based lubricant which weakens the latex and leads to high rate of breaking.

5) DIAPHRAM
It is plastic material designed to cap the cervix thus preventing ejaculated sperms into the vagina from entering the womb.
It should be worn by a woman before intercourse and usually left for about six hours after intercourse.
It is usually used with spermicides and it is highly effective in preventing pregnancy when used properly.

6) INTR-UTERINE DEVICES
It is a plastic material designed into various shapes and sometimes medicated with copper elements in improve effectiveness.
It is usually introduced into the uterus of a woman by a trained provider, after birth or towards the end of mensturation.
It has the complications of abdominal cramps, heavy mensuration and it has a very low risk of uterine perforation when providers were well trained.

7) VASECTOMY
It is a surgical method of contraception.
It is an outpatient surgical procedure on the scrotum that cuts off the cord through which sperms are released.
It is a permanent form of contraception and it is not reversible.

TUBAL LIGATION
It is a surgical intervention that occludes tha fallopian tubes so that they become incapable of transporting the ovum and also preventing sperms from having access to the ovum. It is highly effective when properly done.

What is a step-family?

Step families are created when one person who has children marries, or cohabits, again.
Of course this can happen after death, but nowadays it’s much more common after divorce or the breakdown of a live-in relationship.
It a family in which one or both members of the couple have children from previous relationship. The member of the couple to whom the child is not biologically related is the stepparent, specifically the stepmother or stepfather. More recently, the definition is often expanded to include cohabiting couples, whether married or not.

How to handle issues with your step children:

• Have a positive attitude and mindset:
If you have a constant negative attitude towards any type of situation, it will just make matters worse. One tip for dealing with difficult step children is to have a possible attitude. Try to be optimistic and think good thoughts about your stepchildren. Do your best to have a positive mindset about your stepchildren.

• Put yourself second
Do you get annoyed that your children inconvenience you for whatever reason? Dont be. These children’s lives should come first. They are more important than your needs, wants and desires. Do your best not to be selfish.

• Remember they are children
Your step children are just that-children. They should be allowed to be children, and have bad days. There will be times they are cranky and downright difficult. Children who have been through challenging situations are more likely to have behavioral issues.

• Forgive and Forget
All children and teens deserve forgiveness for any mistake they have made.Dont hold grudges against your step children. Forget horrible things they have done and remember that they are children and are not perfect.Dont be bitter towards their behavior.

• Never blame problems in your marriage on your step children
It takes two to make a marriage work. Problems in your marriage are only caused by you or your spouse and how the two of you deal with situations. Do not blame your unhappiness on your stepchildren’s behavior as well.

• Never ask your step children to call you ‘’Mom’’
The kids should be allowed to call you whatever they fell comfortable with (Well obviously, there’s some limits there).Do not ask them to call you mom. If they want to call you ‘’mom’’, but their biological mother doesn’t like the idea, respect the biological mom’s wishes.

• Provide unconditional love to your step children
No matter how the children behave towards you, shower them with unconditional love.Tel them often that you love them, and care deeply for them. You are to be mentor to you step children and love them under all circumstances.

CAUSES OF FINANCIAL STRESS

Credit Card Debt
• Excessive credit card debt can cause financial stress. People may fall victim to the lure of easy credit and eventually find themselves so far in debt that they will have difficulty becoming completely debt free.

No Savings
• Inadequate or no savings would deplete the reserve quickly and will not make provision for the rainy day.

Failure to Budget
• People who don’t prepare a household budget may lose track of how they are spending their money. As a result, they may not have the funds on hand when it comes time to pay the monthly bills, which leads to stress. Lack of a budget may also contribute to a lack of money set aside for savings.

Risky Investments
• People may gamble on a huge return by placing large amounts of money in high-risk investments such as the stock market. A sharp dip in daily stock prices can create stress, and a long-term market downturn can result in the investor losing most or all of his investment, perhaps even his entire savings

EFFECT OF FINANCIAL STRESS IN MARRIAGE

Financial Stress Reduces Intimacy
o Financial stress is a leading cause of divorce. The chronic stress that can result in a marriage from insufficient funds to cover debt over long periods can diminish sexual desire. Of course, a lack of sexual desire between married partners typically results in decreased intimacy. Chronic stress can actually prevent a woman from achieving orgasm, and it can cause temporary impotence in a man. Stress hormones affect the hypothalamus gland, which can affect fertility because it produces reproductive hormones. Infertility itself increases stress in marriage and can increase expenses for couples who seek treatment, resulting in more financial stress. Lack of intimacy in a marriage can increase stress. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Increased Arguments
o Financial stress can cause marriage partners to react angrily towards each other using hurtful words and loud voices with the slightest provocation. Individuals struggling with financial stress tend to drink alcohol more often, abuse drugs and smoke more. This decreases available funds to pay incoming bills. Of course, all of these coping behaviors tend to result in increased arguments between the married couple. The marriage partners may blame each other for the financial problems, causing ongoing arguments. These conflicts provoke a chain reaction that results in a decrease in socializing together with friends and family.

Health Problems
o Ongoing, chronic stress increases each partner’s risk of serious health problems including depression, heart disease and obesity. The effects of chronic stress tend to sneak up on individuals and can cause a decrease in productivity at work, crying spells, increased fatigue, anxiety, and withdrawal from each other and friends. The health problems from chronic financial stress can be long-lasting, especially if exacerbated by alcohol, drugs or nicotine. All of these health problems and financial worries usually result in couples spending less time together. This fact makes financial woes a leading cause of marital conflict and divorce.

HOW TO AVOID FINANCIAL STRESS

•Make a list of expenses.
Much of financial stress stems from the fact that people often don’t know how much money they’re spending. They go through life blindly paying for this and that without any conscious thought. Not knowing whether your paycheck will last to the end of the week is scary. That’s why you must make a list of expenses and become aware of your spending habits. Write down absolutely everything you spend money on.

•Decide which expenses can be cut or reduced
You’ll notice that not all of your expenses are necessary. For example, you may look at your grocery bill and realize half of your bill is convenience/junk food. Many of your expenses can be cut or reduced by doing things for yourself. Instead of buying pizza every Friday night, make it at home.

•Talk to your family about the new budget.
Financial stress can become worse when there are other people involved. It doesn’t have to though. The main reason people fight over finances is because they aren’t open and honest about them. Taking time to sit down with your spouse to talk about the money coming in verses what’s going out can help reduce stress.

•Look for ways to earn extra income.
Extra money coming into the house is always a good thing. Even if the amount is small, the money can be used to help cover your expenses. If you still have a job, but your hours have been reduced, consider online work. You may be able to make enough money writing or programming to pay a few of your bills.

•Reevaluate your budget on a continuous basis.
It’s important to keep reviewing your budget to make sure you’re on track. You may find even more expenses you can do without.

Emotional abandonment is one of the first signs that a marriage is in trouble.

It is when one or both people shut the other one out, giving no emotional support or sharing. It is as if an invisible wall is built between the two, making it impossible to share an intimate close relationship.

The causes of emotional abandonment are varied. Sometimes the abandonment is done consciously with a purpose in mind to drive the other partner away. More often, emotional abandonment creeps up in a relationship slowly driving a barrier between the two people.

Signs of emotional abandonment

A lack of togetherness
When a couple goes from doing things together to always doing things separately, this is a sign that there is a disconnect somewhere in the relationship. They may spend time in different rooms, go to bed at different times and have dinner separately.

Silence between partners.
Very often when emotional abandonment is present in a relationship, one partner stops talking and sharing. Sometimes this is because the other partner has stopped listening. Sometimes it is because of an intimate relationship with someone outside of the marriage. Sometimes both partners stop talking.

One sided conversations.
One partner may talk and not listening, expecting or caring what the response may be.

Self-absorption.
A person who has emotionally abandoned a partner is often very self-centered to the point that he does not notice his partner’s tears, anger or pain.

Denial.
A person in denial will often emotionally withdraw from a relationship rather than face any problem issues there may be.

If a couple keeps their eyes open for the first signs of emotional abandonment, they can address the issue before it gets out of hand. The longer emotional abandonment lasts, the more devastating the effects.

How to resolve emotional abandonment

Address touchy issues. Emotional distance can come from avoidance; if you’re not paying attention to your spouse because you’re afraid of a fight, you’ll create emotional distance.

Forgive your spouse for a major transgression, if there was one. Emotional distance can come from living in unforgiveness. If you hold a grudge against your spouse for something he or she did in the past you’ll create emotional distance. You don’t need to forget, but you do need to forgive and start moving forward and letting your spouse back in your life.

Put time into your marriage. While you and your spouse may both be busy, you need to take time to do things as a couple, with nobody else involved. You don’t necessarily need to spend this time hashing out all your issues, but rather just enjoy one another’s company and remember why you got married in the first place.

Be nice. You don’t need to be a pushover, but you need to make a concerted effort to avoid snide comments, double meanings and general unpleasantness.

Engage in constructive conversation together. For example, you could give your highlight and lowlight of each day during dinner. This encourages you to share aspects of your life with your spouse, which re-engages both people emotionally.

A healthy romance between a husband and wife makes for a healthy marriage relationship. Romance is a great facilitator of a successful marriage. When marriage stops being romantic, it starts to suffer devastation. The moment you stop desiring your spouse, you are already falling apart from each other. At that point, there is the need for a rekindling.
Steps to take in rekindling the love fire:
1) Plan a romantic date at your favorite restaurant. Surprise your husband by wearing his favorite dress and taking a little extra time to fix up for him like you used to when you were just dating, husbands, bring her a bouquet of roses to help get the evening started off right, have a babysitter for the night if you have children. Make sure that neither one of you talk about work, the kids, money, the in-laws or anything that could be potentially stressful. Make this night a night for the two of you to reconnect and reminisce about how you met, what you found attractive about each other, relive your fondest memories together.

2) Do things for each other that you would not do on a daily basis like for example husbands, bring her home her favorite candy bar or even a single rose just to say that you had her on your mind and that you love her. Wives, fix his favorite meal, light some candles, or sneak a love note in his lunch box or briefcase. Call each other in the middle of the day just to say I love you or send a sweet text just to say I’m thinking of you.

3) Be verbal with your love and adoration for one another. Let them know how thankful you are for the role that they play to the family for example tell her what a wonderful mother she is to your children. Tell him how thankful that you are for such a faithful husband and provider. Be specific and compliment even the little things that your spouse does.
4) Always greet each other with a hug and a kiss. If your spouse has had a bad day, greet him\her in such a way that they no longer feel down about the way everything went wrong during the day. Sneak away for some alone time just to talk and snuggle while the kids do homework or play.
5) Always think of the positive things about your spouse don’t always dwell on the negative, we are all human and we are all entitled to a mistake now and then just remember why you fell in love in the first place.
6) Be attractive: Wives, splurge just a little once in a while and buy a new nightie and surprise him by modeling it for him in the candle light of your own bedroom after everyone has went to sleep. Trust me he will be pleasantly surprised, and he will be so happy and in love with you

Listen to your difficult child. Get him to open up to you by taking every opportunity to talk with him. It may take some time for him to open up to you, but be persistent. Start by speaking to him about things he enjoys to help him feel comfortable talking to you.

Set clear limits for your child. Let her know what the consequences are for specific behaviors. For example, set the rule of no talking on the telephone after a certain time and take away her phone privileges if she disobeys.

Speak in a positive manner to a difficult child. Difficult children sometimes feel hopeless, so being around positive parents will make them more optimistic.

Set up a nurturing environment for your child. Make your home a calm, orderly but creative place where he can relax and engage in healthy activities. Give him plenty of books and games to enjoy. Do not allow him to play violent video games or watch violent television shows.

Deal with misbehavior immediately. It is imperative a child learns when she has behaved inappropriately. For example, you should immediately remove a young child from the environment if she throws a tantrum in a grocery store.

Model the behaviors you want your child to emulate. Speak in a calm voice, tell the truth, keep your promises, and be respectful to others. Your child will follow suit.

Demonstrate consistency in your parenting. Keep to your values and don’t enforce guidelines indiscriminately. Make your word something your child can count on.

Anticipate stressful situations to help your child manage. For instance, pack a snack and a game if you are going to be out with your child later than usual. Hungry and bored children can be expected to act out.

Carve out time each day for one-on-one interaction with your child. This will let her know she is special and valued. Difficult children sometimes lack self-esteem.

Are you being realistic?
If you’re beyond the first flush of passion that heralds the start of a new relationship, it’s common to find that you settle into a pattern where you have sex less frequently. This is fine, because the quality of lovemaking is much more important than the quantity. You know each other’s bodies better, and are more relaxed with one another, which is far more important than putting notches on the bedpost. However, if you’ve just got stuck in a rut, you could both try making a bit more of an effort.

Avoid rigid thinking
Do not automatically assume that they don’t fancy you any more, or want to leave you, as long as they are still being affectionate and have not changed in their other behaviour towards you. It is not necessarily a reflection on your prowess as a lover, or your all-round attractiveness. There is no set number of times per week that every couple should be having sex, everyone is different. It’s quite normal for a person to feel super-horny one month, and less interested the next. Also remember that it is sometimes the person with the higher sex drive who has the problem.

Is your partner alright?
Rather than bitch about the lack of action, show your significant other some care and concern. Are they tired, stressed out by work, feeling down, or taking medication? All these things can seriously affect their sex drive, and you should support them. Pressurising them for sheet action will only make you look selfish, and make them feel even worse. Problems within the relationship can often lead to an angry, neglected or hurt partner withholding sex, whether it’s consciously or subconsciously.

How to cope
Try not to stress out about the situation, it could be something temporary. Talk it through gently and calmly with your partner, without making threats or accusations, and you may find that there’s a simple reason for any recent changes. If that’s the case, work it through together, and be patient.

If things don’t get better
Depending upon the cause of the change, it could be time to go for relationship counselling, psychosexual therapy, or a medical check-up. If your other half continues to refuse to discuss the matter, constantly behaves coldly towards you, or won’t get help for physical or psychosexual problems, then the outlook isn’t good

Unemployment places strain on a marital relationship for obvious reasons. Aside from the financial burden unemployment places on a household, a spouse who continues to work faces his or her own issues in dealing with a displaced, depressed family breadwinner. A wife whose “secondary” job is now a couple’s only source of income may suddenly shoulder the burden of paying the bills. Not only that, but she must also play the role of counselor and cheerleader to a traumatized, demoralized husband.
A woman in this situation walks a fine line between compassionate helpmate and tough-talking coach. If you happen to have a “caretaker” personality, you may have to watch a tendency to give your spouse unspoken permission to stay stuck in self-pity and inaction. Push too hard and you risk coming off as cold and uncaring.
As soon as possible after a job loss, you and your husband should sit down together and strategize not only the job hunt, but ways you can head off (or at least minimize) conflicts that come with unemployment stress.
The days ahead aren’t going to be easy. Put your heads together to come up with a “plan of attack” — because that’s exactly what you’ll need to handle the pressures that can undermine a marriage in these tough circumstances.
Marriage and Family Survival Plan
• First, practice an attitude that treats unemployment as a temporary — and manageable — situation. The repeated rejection that goes with a job search is hard, but the odds are that a new job will eventually surface if you both remain focused and deliberate in your quest. Keep a healthy perspective. Be open to what God might be trying to teach you both through this experience.
• If you still have children at home, be open and honest with them about your situation. Communicate realistically, but optimistically, about the future. (It’s not the end of the world!) Plan regular times together as a family to discuss feelings, finances, priorities and how everyone can pitch in to ease stress at home. Explain that everyone will have to sacrifice (temporary cuts in allowances, cutting back on clothes shopping, etc.) for awhile until Dad finds a new job. Remind children that you’re in this together — and together you’ll come through this, better and stronger for the adversity you’ve experienced, and perhaps with newfound compassion for others in similar circumstances.
• Insist on at least one night a week when you can schedule time alone or with your own friends. Help your husband understand that the time you spend on yourself will help you be a better spouse when you’re together — because it will. Even in the best of times it’s good to cultivate your own hobbies and interests.
• Remind yourself and your spouse to take this one day at a time. Help your husband avoid catastrophic thinking (I’ll never find work!). Be positive in your attitudes and pray together every day for God’s provision — for your physical, emotional and material needs, and for your relationship. And keep talking! Deliberate communication mitigates the effects of depression and helps boost bruised self-esteem.
• Accept that you’ll have good days and bad days. On the good days, discuss what makes them good and brainstorm ways to keep up positive energy (going to bed at a reasonable hour, rising together, morning exercise, prayer time, etc.). Maintain a routine as much as possible. Be mutually accountable, setting a daily agenda for both of you: job interviews, personal appointments, chores around the house, etc.
• Unemployment can make people want to withdraw — but avoid becoming socially isolated. Continue to attend church and keep up social commitments during the week. Share what you’re going through with friends. You need support now more than ever — and contrary to what you might think, friends will be honored by your desire to confide in them.
• Plan activities together that will help you let off steam. Many big-city zoos and museums have occasional “free” days. Get outside in the fresh air, take a bike ride, have a picnic. Plan a time where you agree to put aside job worries and focus only on having fun.

Married couples have a lot on their hands, especially during those first few months of their marriage. Do any of these questions strike a “yes” as your answer? Does she squeeze the toothpaste at the wrong end? Does he leave the wet towel on the sofa? Does she stay on the telephone for hours even though there isn’t anything interesting to talk about (that’s what you hear anyways)? Does he goes out with his buddies then leaves the TV on after watching his favorite football match with his buddies? You are not alone buddy, many spouses experience this everyday irritations, seriously.

This little bit of everyday frustration might just be one of the reasons why couples tend to leave each other. They could not handle the nuisances of their partners so they quit on their marriage. Frankly speaking, it’s not that hard actually. You just need to have a mindset before you enter any marriage that you will have to deal with your partner’s queerness the day you tie the knot. Seriously, you can’t just really know how your partner acts when she/he is at home if you two weren’t married yet. My advice is, prepare for the worst even before you get married.

The trick to these entire problem is, quite easy in fact, understanding and acceptance. Learn to love what those imperfections of your partner, that is actually what makes them, them. Accept them for who they are. In the first place you yourself aren’t perfect, you have a bit of weirdness too, which I think you will not admit. So before you close the door, call that love of yours and sit down. Talk about the things you don’t understand about her actions, ask her what she does not like about your actions and compromise. It’s easy to be full of pride but it’s not what makes a marriage.

Acceptance and understanding is the key. You’ll surely overcome your differences and accept that each have their own traits. With these qualities, you’re on your way to a happy and long-lasting marriage